Sex With Purpose

 The title of this blog is "washed whiter than snow"- because that's what God's forgiveness is like. He has redeemed and made me whole. (You Have Won Me, Bethel Music) God is making me new. My past has messed up my mindset, but God is restoring me. How I was isn't how I have to be. I have hope. I have a future. God makes all things work together for my good. Even my wrong choices God will use for good. God is making me stronger.

SELFLESS PURPOSE

The other day I started going through my purity class again.  One of the lessons teaches about the purpose of sex. That a purpose for sex is oneness between the husband and wife. Any sex that does not fulfill that purpose is sex used improperly. Pleasure is good and created by God, but pleasure is a benefit of sex not the purpose. Pleasure is like a bonus. People shouldn't use sex to get pleasure. Because sex wasn't designed for a person to be selfish. I would say that another purpose of sex is to give love to your spouse. The lesson teaches that sex doesn't "make love," but it expresses it. I agree. A person doesn't create love by having sex. A (married) person decides to love someone and decides to express that love. Sex can be a way to show love by giving pleasure, but shouldn't be a way to take and get pleasure. 

I realize that I have made a lot of selfish choices when it comes to sexual things. These past few days of not letting my sexuality rule me has been very torturous. I previously had given in to every temptation that popped into my head. Now,  I have had to choose that I won't give myself whatever I want. My sexuality wasn't created for me to selfishly take and satisfy my every desire. Even when I am married, I won't necessarily have my every desire met. That's because my whole life can't revolve around me. I would be selfish and spoiled literally rotten if I got everything I wanted. It's good that we're figuring this out now because our marriage would be filled with a lot of hurt if I acted with as much greed as I have been. 

I really want to change my mindset about sex and not let my desires rule me. I'm scared of how long I can stay self controlled. I know that it is important for me to tame my desires and to not let a hint of compromise in. I need to stay out of trouble. I need to be stronger. 

Prayer: God, give me strength the overcome. Help me be who you have made me to be. Help me experience the fullness of your gift. Help me to be one who gives instead of take. Create in me a selfless heart. Help me to deny my desires to do what is right. Help me fight temptation. Help me to make wise choices. Help me to build a better future. Protect my marriage. Help me to only put good things into it. 

Eve and the Fruit

Eve ate the forbidden fruit. She saw that the fruit was good to eat. Eve thought that the fruit tasted good, even though eating the fruit brought death.

That's the was it is with sin. Sometimes sin can feel good, even when it's not good for you.

I was just thinking about sometimes I enjoy sin. It feels good to do wrong things, but sin brings along with it things that bring death.

Like Eve, we all have a tree. The tree was beautiful.

We only get tempting- if it is tempting(attractive/ appealing.)

Prayer:
God, I need your wisdom to think more of what I need than what feels good. Help me make choices that are good for me and for my future husband. I trust that what you have planned for me is better than anything I could get on my own. Sometimes I have fun sinning, but it's sad that those fun times are tainted by the fact that they were evil. God I wish all of my memories of being sexual were memories that I could celebrate. Help me to not make selfish choices.

Reward System

My fiance and I decided to put a star sticker on the calendar for everyday that we make good choices, or as we call it "stay out of trouble." We started this system a week ago and so far had a sticker for every day- until today. It may seem childish, but the idea behind it was to celebrate success one day at a time. It helps give us a visual to our accomplishments. It motivates us because we don't want to have any days without stickers. We want the proof that we have been successful.

Moving Past Failure

I really don't know how to respond to failure.
It seems like the choices are acceptance and moving on or living in defeat from the past.
Of course repentance needs to accompany the acceptance(if sin is involved). I'm wondering what healthy acceptance looks like.

Today my fiance and I made a bad choice and we sinned. We did sexual things outside of marriage. We acted selfishly, and we hurt each-other and ourselves.

In response I was remorseful, and asked for forgiveness. Now I'm done crying about it. My thoughts are: "it happened, it was wrong, let's move on." But now I feel like I'm doing something wrong.

When I think of the scenario that played out, I think it was kind of fun and exciting. I wish I could have more.

What we did was wrong, but fun.
It was hurtful and selfish.

Prayer:
God I pray that you will help me to love my fiance better. I ask you to help me learn from this situation. Help me respond correctly. Help me honor you in all that I do. Help me keep my mind pure. Help me overcome the sexual desires I have fed.