How I Got Here

Originally my plan for this blog was to post regularly frequent. I wanted an outlet of reflection of the thoughts I was thinking about relationships, sex, and marriage. When I started this blog I thought I was very serious about pursuing sexual purity. As it turned out, compromise was easier than I thought. A situation can quickly get heated up and wrong choices would be made. I was very confused about what I wanted. Initially I wanted to live in purity, because it pleases God, would keep me safe, and honor my boyfriend. The confusing part came as the temptation increased. At first sexual sin and compromise seemed obviously un-alluring. I started out thinking fairly logical. I reasoned that making good choices would have better consequences for me and were therefore more desirable than sinful choices. I think that the problem occurred because I didn't realize how easy compromise was. I didn't understand the harmfulness of little things. I had certain standards of as long as we're not doing "x, y, and z" we would be okay. I pushed the lines doing everything but "x, y, and z" instead of trying to stay as far away from trouble as possible.

One lie I believed is that I could handle "playing with fire, without getting burned."
I believed that I could handle just a little. Just enough to satisfy my needs for sex- without going to far.

I've learned that sex is a process of increase. My boyfriend and I don't do the things we used to do, we do so much more. A taste builds your appetite for more.

I've learned that: Even if something isn't in and of itself wrong, it can lead to getting stirred up with sexual passions and causing you to crave even more.

Even though I didn't realize it, I was compromising. I wanted sexual experiences and tried to fulfill those sexual desires with little acts of compromise that led to bigger acts of compromise.

I've learned that sexual experiences are best to be avoided completely if you don't want big trouble.

It's always been a confusing thing for me to recognize the difference between meeting physical needs and sexual needs. Showing physical affection without being sexual.

I don't know how to avoid it completely. I know it takes examining motives.
Are my motives seduction?
Are my motives arousal?
Am I trying to get a sexual experience?

It takes a lot of honesty.
It's hard to be honest that different actions cause sexual feelings, and cause those actions to stop.
It's difficult to deny yourself of something you enjoy.