I wrote a letter that I plan on reading to my boyfriend. Instead of constantly feeling helpless to my circumstance and thinking I don't know why bad things keep happening, I decided to really question why I make the choices I make. I have written down what my fears are. I think that writing them down helps me not be subject to fears without knowing it. I "want to" face my fears. I use "want to" kind of loosely. Facing fears isn't a pleasant thing, but I know it's what I need to do. I want my life to change. I don't want to keep being miserable as I let my fears control me.
I plan to read this letter to my boyfriend tomorrow. I feel confident that I will go through with this because he and I do have a plan to meet and I told him that I have written down what I will talk about. Telling him this ahead of time makes it more likely that I won't back out in fear. I feel like I've hit rock bottom and I am finally ready to start digging out. I feel like the only way to go is up. I feel desperate and don't want to keep living the way I have been.
A lot of my problems have been due to running from my fears and seeking to hide. This is my effort to face my fears and live in honesty with my boyfriend even though it's scary.
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